i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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