I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
