My hand turned me down
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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