Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
