she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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