I wish I could teleport
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
