and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
