I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
