That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.