your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
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It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.