thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me