You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We need to get me chipped asap