But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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