i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
