I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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