My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
