what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
