is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
