New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
