wat bout pragnant strippers??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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