What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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