and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
