one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
