We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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