i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
