Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
