i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
