oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
