ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
