The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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