this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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