So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I could make wine with my vomit
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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