Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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