now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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