marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need to stop coming to work sober
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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