$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks