and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
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Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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