I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said