My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day