Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.

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(201): remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal. http://tfl.nu/yu6k

Replies (5) Good night (1155) Bad night (543)
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(650): View more from California

I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

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(650): I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world. http://tfl.nu/egr4

Replies (31) Good night (6195) Bad night (2060)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm

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(248): I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm http://tfl.nu/t2ln

Replies (105) Good night (9091) Bad night (1245)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.

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(248): Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God. http://tfl.nu/n9ll

Replies (43) Good night (1322) Bad night (6997)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.

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(314): Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there. http://tfl.nu/ndt3

Replies (24) Good night (4937) Bad night (975)
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(956): View more from Texas

You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.

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(956): You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head. http://tfl.nu/2njk

Replies (22) Good night (5705) Bad night (986)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.

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(603): Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight. http://tfl.nu/r24v

Replies (17) Good night (2151) Bad night (1180)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.

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(313): Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career. http://tfl.nu/jur5

Replies (18) Good night (674) Bad night (2471)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.

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(513): Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah. http://tfl.nu/232a

Replies (16) Good night (624) Bad night (1953)
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(513): View more from Ohio

I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.

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(513): I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda. http://tfl.nu/j95t

Replies (20) Good night (2146) Bad night (875)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.

(1-715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.

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(715): If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues. (1-715): I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes. http://tfl.nu/6qvu

Replies (2) Good night (1168) Bad night (469)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.

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(248): Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience. http://tfl.nu/5ghs

Replies (1) Good night (933) Bad night (446)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.

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(859): I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl. http://tfl.nu/2tvq

Replies (10) Good night (704) Bad night (291)
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(407): View more from Florida

We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.

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(407): We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore. http://tfl.nu/jkjf

Replies (2) Good night (607) Bad night (489)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)

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(630): Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet) http://tfl.nu/zpz1

Replies (1) Good night (260) Bad night (553)

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