So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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