Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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