Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
