I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...