the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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