everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
