How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
