We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
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The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
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You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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