Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby