I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How