I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
