Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That accounts for only three of the penises
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
