We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
