Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong