If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break