Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.