Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
