Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
