Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
