You're so nebulous sometimes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
