Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
