I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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