OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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