More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.