i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser