She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon