We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
