is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
