if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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