i think my tv is drunk
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
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I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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