i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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