People in love make me want to vomit
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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