what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
