Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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