I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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