Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
