I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
