Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
