I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
