I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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