Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
