do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
