a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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