Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
