Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
