my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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