Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
