You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize