you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
