How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
