i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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