Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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