Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
