if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
