I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
