bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
