I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
