Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
