Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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