I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
please don't ironically join a cult
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