ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
